By Lupita Peimbert.
After publishing 5 Things Unmarried and Singles Appreciate I received several emails from people who are married or in a relationship, saying that I was seeing single life through rose-colored glasses. Fine. I disagree but won’t counter-argue. Their concern is valid. Let’s show the other side of the coin.
Pardon colloquialism. It sucks to be single or unmarried for these 8 reasons, but there is one other supposed reason that does not really apply. Keep reading…
Single taxpayers, specially when childless or having no other dependents, pay more taxes in the United States and in many other countries. “Married couples get a higher deduction, in proportion, to single people. So it is a fact that single people pay more taxes,” says Marie, a professional in the tax-services industry.
Compared to happy, compatible, loving couples and marriages, singles and unmarried people with or without children generally cannot have sex or make love to another person whenever they want. Often, it goes to two extremes: On one corner, you get none, nada, or very little de loving; and you even become used to it. On the other, you may get many sex encounters but without substance, like Tinder dates where sex is expected but just for the moment, one night stands, or in case-scenarios short or long-term relationships based on sexual attraction but lacking a level of emotional intimacy, shared time, and the commitment many crave to have.
Compared to couples in marriages where and when the partners are responsible, the payments that single and unmarried people have to cover can’t be divided by two. “Same with groceries,” says Estella, a 45-year-old single who does not have children. “Same with going out to dinner or taking a trip, all expenses are paid by one person: me.” Oscar Perdomo, also in his 40s and childless, gives another example: “When making reservations at a hotel. Most prices are for double occupancy and the rate increases for a single person.” Happy Hour? Drinks? Coffee? You have to pay from your own packet.
There is no one else to share household responsibilities with. You are on your own. If you are a female, better learn to fix things or have the means to pay a handyman. If you are a male, hopefully your mother taught you how to cook, clean, and do laundry, or you have the means to get hot food delivered to your table.
5. Company & Romance
The need to have someone to share intimate moments with, go to places, and attend events together might be unmet more often when you are single and unmarried. “We human beings were not meant to be alone! It has always been my experience that I have had a better half which makes me a better half!” says Jim Salinas Sr, a man over 55 who identifies as attached-single.
“When you go to a place and the view or sightseeing place is so awesome you wish you could be sharing that moment with someone,” adds David Liu, single father of one boy.
6. Sexual Orientation
Your sexual preferences are in question. If you live in San Francisco or any other city where people who identify as LGBT Queer (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Queer) are part of a powerful group, who cares? But when you live in cities where societal rules are more conservative, being questioned if you are gay because you are a single man, or lesbian because you are a single woman, could become a reputation issue affecting, believe it or not, work and social status.
“What I dislike is for others to assume that I am available or desperately looking for a man,” says Victoria, a woman over 50 and a professional who makes very good money. She adds: “sometimes, when landlords or neighbors see you living alone, they show less respect to you. Or at least I feel more vulnerable, because society respect a woman more when they see that a man lives with her at home.”
8. Stigma and Stereotyping
Singles or unmarried people can be perceived as somehow lacking the capacity to relate to, live with, or love others. Divorced men or women are often perceived as people who failed at marriage, labeling unfit for a relationship. “Compared to married or coupled people, who are often described in very positive terms, singles are assumed to be immature, maladjusted, and self-centered,” affirm scholars Bella de Paulo and Wendy Morris in their well documented studies.
9. Loneliness. Never mind.
LONELINESS does not apply. Want to know why? Because loneliness is not exclusive to being single, unmarried, or alone. Loneliness is a human emotion, a disconnection a person can feel whether that person is alone or in company, in solitude or as part of group. One negative result of loneliness is isolation, where a person actually acts upon getting away from other people thus isolating themselves.
And yet, there are reasons that make single life, a happy one. Click here for just 5 Things Unmarried and Singles Appreciate.
Lupita Peimbert is a bilingual content writer, and publisher of Lupitanews.com
She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, and yes, she has been single for a long time.
Follow her on Twitter: @Lupitanews